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  • Writer's pictureKiri Self

Anxious attachment - what is it and why does it affect me?

Updated: Mar 22, 2022

Scrolling through my Instagram this morning, and up popped something that really resonated with me.

These are from and she is brilliant, really worth checking out.

I find it hard when I’m in a relationship to ever really believe I’m loved and that it’s going to last. And that’s something I want to break out of - something I am working on with my therapist.

And this is why I love therapy, for me. It’s helping me understand that things I do and the ways I react are often driven by things in my past. By learning that these things exist, and where they come from, I can choose whether I keep hold of those actions and reactions or not. It’s understanding myself better. And then when I start to feel anxious I can kind of stop myself and see if the anxious feelings are coming from inside me, and aren’t really necessarily something I need to listen to. I’m probably not explaining that very well.…

Just because I grew up in an environment where love was arbitrarily taken away doesn’t mean that the person standing next to me is going to take their love away. So next time I feel scared and needy and wanting validation, hopefully I can stop and take a breath and focus on something that person has done recently that does show me they love me, and I can calm myself down. Learning to self sooth really!

Does that make sense?

It is a running joke with the Magnificent Seven that I am the neediest person ever 😆 and I can’t promise to stop that. And I’m definitely not going to stop licking my best friends face. Mostly I do that just to annoy her though.

But I do want to do better in the next relationship I have. I want to be able to notice more the things that people do do to show me they love me. And I want to be more sure of myself and therefore of them too.

And if you want to talk to my wonderful and amazing therapist, please do. I recommend her so very highly.


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