It’s a work in progress but I’m learning to try and figure out what it is I want to do, vs what I should do.
From an early age, I was taught to consider the needs of others before myself. Now, I am overwhelmed by even identifying what my own needs and wants are.
I don’t really have any answers yet. Mostly I’m just struggling. Today I had part of my plans cancelled, and I really struggled to make it ok in my head that I could go ahead and cancel something else. Because what I need today is not to go out the house but to give myself permission to stay in and crochet and be still and quiet.
It shouldn’t be this hard. I know I sound like I’m whinging and complaining and I don’t even care. Well, I do a bit. We should be zen and compassionate to everyone else and we should never complain.
Today my zen is hiding under my Maggie blanket, being compassionate only to myself, and having a good old whinge about how crap I feel today.
And another thing I would like to complain about. Why do I always have to feel such impending doom on the first couple of days of my period? That’s not bloody fair either. Pun completely intended.
The anxiety is strong in me today. I will hide.